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Thursday, 05 November 2009

  • Inside

    Just when I thought I had nothing left inside
    the alarm was pulling me from my sleep
    and beyond my window, daylight grew.

    When there is nothing left to give,
    I find myself inside another day.
    Giving...
             Giving....
                      Giving...
                               it all away.

    Locked inside a cage
    where the world feeds on me
    like vampires slaking their thirst with my blood.

    Veins drained dry
    like an empty river bed.
    There's nothing left inside.

    Nothing left to give.

Monday, 02 November 2009

  • Fears

    I have focused on my fears...

    Fear of bobbing like a buoy at the surface
    while chained to the lake bed deep below.
    Forever stuck... growing barnacles and moss,
    alone accept for the steady passing of the waves
    bobbing forever on continuity.

    A list of reasons why it won't work
    lags behind in the distant hum of the boats,
    long after they've passed by.

    I forgot the way your fingertips
    prickled my skin into goose-fleshy bumps,
    let go of the safety your arms offered
    in the dead of the night.

    A list of reasons why
    rains down on the lake
    floats by on wings in the sky
    scampers from limb to limb in the trees
    ...
    and the reasons why not
    cut off from reasons why
    fade into the murky depths of the lake
    until they reach the bottom
    settling

    abandoned by the no-wake buoy
    - complete with barnacles and moss -
    drifting into eternity
    floating on waves of dreams

    fears

    remembering why it can't work
    forgetting why it can

    letting go of new love
    which only just began.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

  • Why Tears?

    Tears brew in my eyes, threatening to overflow.
    "Are you going to cry?" he asks.
    "No.  I'm okay."
    "Maybe that's the problem," he says.  "You're always okay."
    I pressed my face into his shoulder before I said goodbye.
    He wrapped his arms around me
    and the tears rolled down my cheeks.
    "Why are you crying?" he asked.
    Shaking my head.
    Wiping the tears.
    I don't know.
    I don't know.
    "I don't know." I said.


    I'm not grown up enough to handle a relationship with him.  That must be the truth.  I'm unappreciative.  It's one-sided... and for once it's not my side.  I know I don't want to lose him, but I'm missing something.  I'm not being happy with him.  I don't know why.  I've cheated on him.  I've wanted to cheat on him with someone else.  I'm not ready for him, but I suppose I want to be.  Maybe that's why I cry.

Saturday, 24 October 2009

  • Who Am I?

    THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID:

    1. I like to color.

    2. I always have some sort of fidget buster toy.

    3. I do stuff like this in order to procrastinate work...

    THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:

    1. I don't believe in love and "happily ever after"

    2. I am constantly thinking about the potential hazard or the inappropriateness of the kids conversations... and putting a stop to things they want to do or talk about.  (i.e. my students)

    3. Lately I prefer Friday and Saturday night at home... and go to bed @ 10:00ish


    THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:

    1. Go to Africa (Kenya and Egypt to be specific)

    2. Compete in a Derby (English Hunter-Jumper)

    3. Skydiving


    THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "BOY":

    1. Cars - read about em and do my own maintenance.

    2. Don't read the directions when trying to put something together.

    3. I never understand what my friends' wives are pissed off about.

    THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "GIRL":

    1. Have a closet full of clothes.

    2. Stubborn and like to be in control

    3. Like to dance

    THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

    1. I'm not a typical girl

    2. My hair.

    3. Wide variety of interests

    THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

    1. Being alone

    2. Dead things

    3. Not moving forward in life - getting stuck here.


    THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

    1. Cuddle with my  kitty

    2. Read a book

    3. Pen and sticky notes

    THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:

    1. Baseball (just ask my students)

    2. Sit still

    3. Let things be chaos/lose control

    THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:

    1. Occupational Therapist

    2. Physical Therapist

    3. Forensic Nursing

    THREE places you feel at home:

    1. Charleston, IL

    2. Jessi and Ryan's

    3. On the beach

    FIVE ways to win your heart:

    1. Little things like leave a note, text, pick a flower for me, etc.

    2. Laughter.

    3. Teach me how to do something.

    4. Take me dancing.

    5. Be self-sufficient


    FOUR things that cross your mind a lot:

    1.  Current relationship status

    2. Work

    3. What do I want to be when I grow up?

    4. Jeremy...

    THREE things you do before you fall asleep:

    1. Teeth maintenance

    2. Read

    3. Play with the cat

    TWO songs that mean something to you

    1. Champagne Supernova by Oasis

    2. When I Think about Rain by Jessica Andrews

    ONE confession:

    1. Even after recent events, I still only have one regret... not taking the time to say good-bye to Justin before he passed away.

  • Made a Fool of Myself

    So we're at lunch yesterday for this staff development.  One of the girls I work with keeps getting texts from her boyfriend.  He is wondering when she will be done because they are supposed to drive to St. Louis.  He texts her and says that snow is coming.  I was thinking, "No way!  My mom would have told me.  She's the weather maniac.  She always knows the weather."  I decided to text my mom.  However, when she sent a response, she neglected to factor my broken LCD on my phone (got broke in a restraint).  I read her text: 6 inches. ******** 39 and rain.  So, I assume we are getting 6 inches of snow and rain mixed together.  Then I forward that info on to my friends I'm supposed to be hanging out with... who proceed to check the internet and watch the weather.  No snow.  I was so confused.  Later that night at dinner, my boyfriend said to my mom that I texted him and told him we were supposed to get 6 inches of snow.  She started laughing.  It turns out that the missing words in her text were "not really."  The text actually said: 6 inches.  not really.  39 and rain.  So... she got a kick out of the fact that I started a nasty roomer and told all my friends it was going to snow.  Sometimes I can be an idiot!  But at least I make people laugh!!

Dreams_of_a_Cowgirl

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    • Member Since: 3/1/2009

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About Me

  • Okay, I admit it... I'm a little crazy. But in my defense, who isn't?

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  • redshark1
    Thank you cowgirl for accepting me as a friend I live in England very windy today tring to rain 06.am wednesday I have been downstairs since 4am trying to get rid of irritating cough I am on 2nd lot of antibiotics hope you are keeping well take care